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When I was a teenager in the 1990s, officials seemed to believe that income inequality based on sex could be tackled by advising females that anything was possible. Eye-catching, vibrant pink promotions convinced me that institutional and cultural obstacles would yield to my self-confidence.

Experts have since refuted the notion that someone can transform their existence through positive thinking. An author, in his work Selfie, unpacks how the neoliberal myth of equal opportunities supports much of personal development trends.

Nevertheless, there is a part of me that still believes that by putting in the work and create a sturdy vision board, I should be able to realize my deepest aspirations: the sole barrier to my fate rests on my shoulders. What is the path to a point of equilibrium, a stability between trusting in my unlimited potential but avoiding self-reproach for all missteps?

The Key Is Found in Self-Effacement

The resolution, per Saint Augustine, a religious leader from Hippo, involves modesty. The saint stated that self-abasement served as the base of each additional excellence, and that for those pursuing divinity “the primary aspect requires modesty; the second, humility; the final, lowliness”.

For a lapsed Catholic like me, the concept of meekness may trigger various unpleasant feelings. I grew up in an era of the church when focusing on physical beauty was considered vain; physical attraction was deemed improper outside of procreation; and even pondering solo sex was a punishable offence.

I doubt that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but throughout much of my life, I mixed up “meekness” with guilt.

Healthy Humility Is Not Self-Hatred

Being humble, according to mental health expert Ravi Chandra, does not mean despising yourself. A person with balanced humility takes pride in their capabilities and achievements while acknowledging that there is always more to learn. Chandra describes multiple forms of modesty: cultural humility; meekness across ages; intellectual humility; meekness about what one knows; recognition of room for growth; humility of wisdom; humility of awe; and humility in the face of suffering.

Psychological research has likewise discovered multiple perks arising from open-mindedness, encompassing increased toughness, patience and bonding.

Humility in Practice

During my career in spiritual support roles with elderly residents, I now think about meekness as the act of attending to others. Humility functions as a way to reconnect: revisiting, moment by moment, to the ground I stand on and the human being before me.

A few people who tell me the same five anecdotes drawn from their experiences, over and over again, whenever we meet. Rather than counting minutes, I strive to pay attention. I try to stay curious. What lessons are there from this individual and the narratives they cherish when so much else has gone?

Creative Quietude

I strive to adopt the Taoist attitude which expert Huston Smith called “productive stillness”. Ancient Chinese sages advise people to silence the self and exist in harmony with the universe’s rhythm.

This might be especially relevant while people attempt to fix the damage our species has done upon Earth. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs clarifies that embracing modesty helps us reunite with “the inner creature, the being that trembles toward the unseen". Embracing an attitude of meekness, of uncertainty, allows us to remember our species is a part of a larger whole.

The Elegance of Modesty

There’s a desolation and gloom that accompanies thinking everything is possible: success – if it involves attaining riches, reducing size, or gaining political power – transforms into the single permissible result. Humility enables dignity and setbacks. I embrace meekness, grounded in reality, implying all necessities are present to flourish.